I feel like I am in a sink hole, constantly searching to grip onto something for my dear life. Searching desperately for hope in this world. The right body, my ‘body image’ feeling, clothes, food, feeling good, feeling clean, feeling energized, being entertained enough, not looking for the next disaster around the corner, coveting my free time, ‘trying’ to love the people in my life, ‘trying’ to have people love me and want me in their lives, ‘trying’ to fix my family. A LONG run on sentence that demonstrates my
pursuit (no, that’s not the right word), my clamoring desperation to be settled, to be comfortable in this world.
But I am NOT called to be comfortable. Even when my house is literally falling apart, the floors are dirty and gross, my laundry is piled high, there are NO decorations on my walls, my furniture isn’t jiving in my living room, I can’t keep up, I want to eat myself into oblivion. Even in the midst of chaos in my life and mind, I still search what the world is offering to give me peace. And time and again, I am disappointed! Why do I continue to look there? I ‘know’ better! I know that I should search after you Lord.
Romans 14-15 is encouraging me this morning with accepting my sister for where she is at. I don’t understand God’s timing in this life circumstance. I don’t understand why I am experiencing this pain through this relationship.
I do have to accept that life is chaotic and I cannot control it.
I don’t have to accept chaos in my mind. My inside can be controlled, be peaceful. As I read on in Chapter 15, verse 13 (Romans)- There is hope for me (for everyone)!
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
That is what I really AM searching for-
Overflowing with hope
by the POWER of the Holy Spirit.
I want to be filled by you LORD, but first I need to give over to you my chaotic thinking, be filled with you (your hope by your Holy Spirit) and REST in you. I feel better already knowing you GOT this! You got my leaky dishwasher, leaky basement, my leaky eyes, and my burden heart. You replace those things with hope!
You GOT this!