I- Poem

I am feeling overwhelmed at the complexity of ending abortion in Canada.  My heart is grieved and I have cried many times over the last 24 hours over the lost lives to the ‘choice’ of abortion.  Right now I can hardly keep the tears at bay as I ponder this issue.  My view (my heart’s desire) is not waging war on the issue of women’s rights but highlighting the absence of the baby’s rights.  I wrote this poem this morning in response to my grieving and confusion.

 

I

I existed in you, this is where I belonged.

I looked for you, while they approached.

I searched for you, while they descended.

I called out to you to save me, but you turned your face away.

I squirmed in discomfort, you did nothing.

I shouted in pain and you fell silent.

My heart stopped beating and yours did not.

My body has gone to WASTE and thrown away, did you not LOVE me?

My hope is NOT lost, as I am now in my CREATORS arms.

This is where I am VALUED, CHERISHED, LOVED.

Held eternally by HIM, who loved me first.

You GOT this! (My pursuit for peace)

I feel like I am in a sink hole, constantly searching to grip onto something for my dear life.  Searching desperately for hope in this world.  The right body, my ‘body image’ feeling, clothes, food, feeling good, feeling clean, feeling energized, being entertained enough, not looking for the next disaster around the corner, coveting my free time, ‘trying’ to love the people in my life, ‘trying’ to have people love me and want me in their lives, ‘trying’ to fix my family.  A LONG run on sentence that demonstrates my pursuit (no, that’s not the right word), my clamoring desperation to be settled, to be comfortable in this world.

But I am NOT called to be comfortable.  Even when my house is literally falling apart, the floors are dirty and gross, my laundry is piled high, there are NO decorations on my walls, my furniture isn’t jiving in my living room, I can’t keep up, I want to eat myself into oblivion.  Even in the midst of chaos in my life and mind, I still search what the world is offering to give me peace.  And time and again, I am disappointed!   Why do I continue to look there?  I ‘know’ better!  I know that I should search after you Lord.

Romans 14-15 is encouraging me this morning with accepting my sister for where she is at.  I don’t understand God’s timing in this life circumstance.  I don’t understand why I am experiencing this pain through this relationship.

I do have to accept that life is chaotic and I cannot control it.

I don’t have to accept chaos in my mind.  My inside can be controlled, be peaceful.  As I read on in Chapter 15, verse 13 (Romans)- There is hope for me (for everyone)!

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

That is what I really AM searching for-

HOPE

Overflowing with hope

by the POWER of the Holy Spirit.

I want to be filled by you LORD, but first I need to give over to you my chaotic thinking, be filled with you (your hope by your Holy Spirit) and REST in you.  I feel better already knowing you GOT this!  You got my leaky dishwasher, leaky basement, my leaky eyes, and my burden heart.  You replace those things with hope!

You GOT this!

Renew Yourself

Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is– his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Many people want to know the future, what to know what GOD’S WILL IS….

So, what is God’s will? How do we know what He wants?

Scripture & Prayer.  Easy to read, right!  Ha!  Sure, I’ve read that verse countless times!  But I’m just beginning to have an understanding what it means.

When our lives take on the patterns of this world, we are unable to discern His desires.  The world’s messages are blasting away in our ears, our hearts, and our minds are overcome with THAT message.  We CAN’T know what He wants!  Scripture points to Jesus Christ.  Scripture shows us how to know God’s will.

Do this-

1. Stop conforming to the world’s message.

You can’t do it yourself.  You need God (with the leading of His Holy Spirit) to guide you through this process).

2. Be transformed!  You cannot be transformed if your life is full of the world.

Your heart is full, you must take out before you put in.

3. When your heart is full of Jesus, you can ask and hear God’s will clearly.  In darkness you cannot see.

Turn on a light and the darkness disappears and you can see clearly.

Beginnings

Beginnings can be scary for me.  They mark the ending of something and the start of something new.  I wouldn’t say that I am gifted in writing, but I’ve felt over the past few months that I would like to start a blog about the things I am learning in life.  Writing about my thoughts, my life, my experiences with God in my innermost struggles, what Jesus is teaching me about Him, my passions in life.

Beginnings are scary for me.  I hope that this blog is something that I continue to update and use to reach out to the world outside of me.

Beginnings are scary because what if I am criticized for my words and experiences or nobody cares to read about them.  What if people judge me harshly?

Beginnings are necessary because the old needs to be put aside and the new needs to be put on.  I do like adventure and I hope that this will take me on one from my own home.

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